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…he hurt me; then turned away (pt.1)

I went through a period where I felt that God had betrayed me. Now the reason I call this a period and not a phase is because I really felt a deep hurt for what I believed God had done/allowed to happen to me, as I believed I was in a really good place with him and my life was finally becoming untangled; my purpose becoming clearer with each passing day.

Now prior to this, I had recently fallen out with two of my close friends, and I felt like my life was spiralling out of control and there was nothing I could do about it but suppress my feelings, paint on a smile and convince myself that I was fine with everything. But that was far from the truth. As hard as I tried to ignore my life flailing around me, more things would happen to try to push me to the edge. Things started falling apart at home within my family; suddenly I felt like an outcast from everything, and I just became so overwhelmingly tired. I just wanted to fall into a deep sleep and forget about about my life crumbling beneath me. It was as though the metaphorical Dam I had built in my mind to keep all my feelings of disloyalty, hurt, loneliness and sadness was about to burst open and I knew there was no way I would survive it. God knew this too. He was the only positive thing left in my life. So tell me, why then did he decide to twist the knife in further by using a personal situation I had been struggling with for months against me?

…the Dam BURST!

..nothing to do

..nothing to feel

..noone to trust anymore

I woke up angry, angrier than ever! “He was meant to be my friend!” “my source of comfort”, but “he betrayed me!” I had never felt like this before. underneath all the anger was a boatload of hurt and disbelief, that the God that I was leaning on during my most troubling times turned around and stabbed me further in the back, then turned away from me. I then turned rebellious. He knew what would happen before it did, he knew how it would break me, yet, still, he allowed it/maybe even encouraged it to happen. there was only so much I could take. keeping all those feelings in the Dam had used up all the strength I had left and now there was nothing left for me to fight with. So I became numb and just existed. Everyone around me that I knew had a connection with God, I stayed away from and ignored. If it was anything God-related, I didn’t want to know…and that was that! I entered the new year with these feelings, forced to go to church but refusing to acknowledge him even in his house. “Why should I pray or praise someone that doesn’t even care about me?” “Why should I need him to enter the new year with me when he hurt me in the worst way possible?” The answer was that I shouldn’t..and so, I didn’t!

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Who is Jesus Christ?

“The people today; they called you king. They think that you are the Messiah.” |”Who do you think that I am?”|”You are the son of God!”

“Who do you say that I am?”Matthew 16:15

“You are the Messiah, the son of the living God”Matthew 16:16

“Who are You?” they asked. “Just what I have been telling you from the beginning,” Jesus replied – John 8:25

Who are you? Tell me whom you are!”|”I am Jesus, whom you persecute” – Paul/Saul; Acts 9:5

“Do not be afraid city of Zion, here comes your king, riding on a young donkey” – John 12:15 

“Jesus of Nazareth is passing by,” they told him. So he called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” – Luke 18:37-38

“King of the Jews” Pilate

“I am the Alpha and the Omega..” – Revelations 1:8

“I believe your son is the promised king of his people. What is his name?”|”Jesus” – Revelations 1:8

“Agitator from Galilee” Caiaphas

“There is one to come, greater than me. I am just a voice in the wilderness, preparing the way for the Lord” – John the Baptist; Isaiah 40:3, John 1:23, Mark 1:3

When googled, the definition we get is that; “Jesus Christ, also known as Jesus of Nazareth was a first-century Jewish preacher and religious leader. He is the central figure of Christianity. Most Christians believe he is the incarnation of God the Son and the awaited Messiah (Christ) prophesied in the Old Testament”.

However, as Christians, we know this is far from the truth. Jesus is our saviour and our redeemer. He died on the cross of Cavalry so that our sins may be forgiven and we may be given a clean slate and a chance at Heaven. He is the Messiah and the son of the ONLY living God.

Jesus is God’s only begotten son, yet He came from the throne of His Father in heaven to the womb of a woman to show us the way back to the Father. He became Son of Man that we might become sons of God.

He was conceived by the Holy Spirit, and born of a virgin. He lived in poverty, and was unknown outside of Nazareth. He had neither wealth nor influence.

He laid aside His “purple robe” for a peasant’s gown. He was rich, yet for our sake, He became poor. He slept in another’s stable; He rode on another’s donkey; and He was buried in another’s grave.

His Kingdom is not of this world. He is the Lion of the tribe of Judah, our hope and our strength. He pleads on our behalf for the forgiveness of his father. He resurrected don the third day, conquering death and giving us a firmer faith to stand on. He is our Lord, convincer of Paul of Tarsus, he turned the nation of Israel. The foothill of Christianity. God of Abraham, Isaac and Moses.

To me, Jesus truly is my strength and comforter. Whenever I do the wrong thing or sin, I always feel lost and incomplete until I’ve gone to the special place in my mind and, really spoken to him. Without even needing to connect to God’s word, I feel the rush of his love course through my spirit, I feel the sense of peace and completion, the sense of purpose he brings with him. Tears of happiness burn my eyes when I feel the reassurance of his love. Shame weighs down my head when I realise the depth of my sins and epitomise the depth of his love and his constant battle for my soul. How could I turn away, even for a small moment, from such a momentous force in my life, from the Being who shed blood and gave up his life to set me free. But the guilt doesn’t stop me from lifting my eyes up to the heavens because of my firm faith in the Bible. Guilt should NEVER hold you back from going to God on your knees. No matter what you may have done, you should NEVER feel shame in the presence of the Lord, you should NEVER be afraid to bare yourself before him, for he knew us before we were. He saw our deepest and our darkest desires, our innermost secrets, our fears and our worries before we were. And yet…yet he loves us, yet he fights for our trust, yet he waits for our faith, yet he sacrifices for our belief. Because, that is who Jesus Christ is!

“For unto us a Child is born,

Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be called

Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace

There will be no end,

Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,

To order it and establish it with judgement and justice

From that time forward, even forever.

The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this”

– Isaiah 9:6-7


THIS IS MY TESTIMONY – OUR MANTRA!

I have been meaning to post for so long. I have countless of notes and ideas in my book and countless of blog drafts that for one reason or another, I haven’t been able to post. This is because I was convinced I wasn’t perfect enough to be a leader; I wasn’t perfect enough to use this platform God has given me to evangelise and touch souls, to reach out to all of God’s children and reassure them of his ultimate love for us. I started to doubt myself and in turn, doubt the gift God has given me.

This is the testimony of how I got up and realised that “even if the sky if falling down, you will still be God and God alone” – Frank Edwards(Baba). This meant to me that despite my feelings of unworthiness, God still reigns, despite the heavy burdens on my heart, God is still Jehovah. Ergo, I came to the realisation that even if the whole world was on fire and God still remains the all-mighty, why then did I not run to him and cast all my my burdens into his waiting arms, shy then did I not believe his love is more than enough to sustain and empower me? (Reference: See 1 Kings 19:4-8)

The devil is scared of us; that is why he is working EXTRA hours to discredit us. He knows God has claimed our souls and he fears how great we will become once we sow and harvest ourselves in the Lord. Therefore, he tries in every way possible to injection little seeds of doubt into our minds, wanting them to fester and infect our spirit man. This is because he knows a little doubt can grow and crumble down everything we are sure about in Christ. But we are NOT going to let that happen, for we are a holy nation; a royal priesthood, we are God’s chosen people(Ref: 1 Peter 2:9), sent to proclaim his name to the world. We will never be silenced, no doubt, no depression, no self-condemnation, no lack of self-worth and no lack of confidence or low self-esteem will stop us from rising like eagles(Ref: Isaiah 40:31). “They tried to bury us, they didn’t know we were seeds!” – SPAC Nation

So JTCs, this is our mantra! This is what we are going to do:

Let’s make the devil ANGRY. We are gonna shake open the gates of hell with the force of our spirit man. Satan and his demons will tremble with fear at the power and authority we have in the name of the most high. We are going to press into the realm of the spirit and hail the power of Jesus’ name. We are going to make every wall of Jericho on this Earth crumble down. People will hate us for it, they will try to persecute us for it, but we need not be afraid for we have the one thing that makes us laugh in the face of death, the one thing worth dying over and over again for, the one thing that fuels our spirit…the ultimate, irrevocable and unconditional love of our ABBA Father.

Bible Readings:

  • 1 Kings 19:4-8
  • Luke 17:6
  • 1 Peter 2:9
  • Isaiah 40:31
  • John 15:20
  • Luke 21:12
  • Psalm 119:161
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Examples of drafts Satan tried to stop me posting

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me in my Journey with Christ!

“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” – Galatians 5:25


My name is not important. Jesus is calling. he called and I heard him. ‘Come to the alter. The father’s arms are opened wide’.

I live for Christ Jesus; and have been for quite a while now. Discovering God and his amazing, amazing love is the single best feeling you will ever experience. Feeling the holy spirit descend into your midst is life-altering. Nothing compares to acknowledging and spiritually opening yourself to the Lord.

I was born into a christian home and I consider it the greatest privilege; the highest act of God’s providence, that I grew up a Christian regardless of the fact that I did not discover God for myself until I was in my teens because I was always made aware of his love for us from the day I was born. I have discovered Christ for myself a few times, and unfortunately been dragged away from him each time by conformity to the world. However, to the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ – our saviour and our redeemer, my life has been dedicated solely to God. I opened my heart spiritually to him and felt an out-pour of his love course through me at a life-changing Youth Conference at my university. I realised on this day, that God truly works in mysterious ways. He brings helpers of destiny into our lives when we least expect it. who would have thought a conference hosted and run by youths just a mere couple of years older than me could have impacted my life in such a spiritual way. For that, a special shoutout of thanks goes to the Youth Revival team and The Radical Soldiers for such a beautiful conference, and for allowing God to use them to impact lives for the Kingdom of Heaven. **I will be blogging about their next Midlands conference**

Now onto my blog. God has placed it in my heart to do this; to share with you guys the power of his love and the depths of his words as it is written in the bible. I am so happy I am finally doing this yayyyyyyy! I am going to write about my faith, questions and scenarios and things I encounter in my everyday life whilst trying to live a Christ-centered life,, which I pray will help you and guide you to the way of the Lord

Remember that faith is a powerful tool. “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” – Matthew 17:20

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No man cometh to the Father except through me. — John 14:6

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